SCOTUS Justice Sotomayor: Soft on Crime! (Satire)

With my Senatorial posts this week serving their purpose in my rant department, I’m offering to you a parody reaction to a Sesame Street skit aired on Wednesday.

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Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor appeared as a guest star on an episode during the current, 42nd season of Sesame Street. I’m not a follower of Supreme Court activities, but if she is portraying to America’s true her true views, I am in shock!

photocredit: flickr//donkeyhotey

While Justice Sotomayor was having coffee with her friend, Maria, when Baby Bear interrupts with a civil complaint. Goldilocks, allegedly, had entered his home uninvited and damaged a chair. Neither the plaintiff nor the defendant give Justice Sotomayor information concerning any criminal charges levied and the judge did not seek additional information, as this appears to be a prima facie criminal offense.

Goldilocks defense included self-testimony that damaging the chair was an accident. No explanation of why she was in the plaintiff’s home uninvited.

To me, as the untrained legal mind that I am, equipped with one semester of constitutional law as applied in an educational setting from freshman year of college and a semester of a law review in 8th grade, this is clear that Goldilocks is at fault for the damage from a civil standpoint, as well as criminally liable for her trespass and subsequent damage of Baby Bear’s property. Financial retribution to the plaintiff and, using her confession, either probation or jail time as part of a criminal procedure, appears to be in order.

How do we expect the 8th highest-ranking judge in the United States to rule on this case? Would she use this as an opportunity to turn Goldilocks’s life around as it appears this could be a beginning of a petty crime career that could lead to much worse?

No. Not at all.

The judge ruled the only retribution required of Goldilocks would be to assist in fixing the chair. With glue! The chair was split in half! There is no way to repair that type of damage to bring the chair to its original condition.

There is more. If you’re standing, sit down. Put down your coffee. Cover the eyes and ears of the young. The Justice then orders as part of the settlement that Baby Bear forgives Goldilocks. Not only does she only wag a finger at Goldilocks, she required the injured party to forgive the unwarranted and unexplained criminal action of a burglar!

With Sotomayor on the bench, kids won’t be singing “How do you get to Sesame Street?” It will be the throngs leaving Riker’s Island.

In other news, Sesame Workshop announced the 43rd season will be filmed in conjunction with the 25th season of COPS.

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