To add on to both Fr. Dickinson and @FrAndrewHart, marriage preparation in the Church can and should help couples see the real-life “mess” that comes with marriage.
I don’t pretend to have it all figured out, but I was proud of the program my wife and and I ran. 1/ twitter.com/fatherandrew/s…
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We served a nice dinner—flowers on the table, wine, etc as the very first thing on Friday night. Partly, it gave nice buffer for traffic (yay Austin). But, it also helped loosen up those who were doing it just because someone told them they had to.
In addition to NFP, spirituality/sacramental presentation, etc, we had mostly real couples share their own stories to demo different models of marriage. None were the right one, because really each marriage is different.
But communication, communication, communication.
We had talks about families of origin—about how the baggage from your own family (good or bad)—sets you up for assumptions about your new family. Which is fine, but need to be aware, open, talk about it.
Finances—again, no single right away, but if you aren’t willing to have a single checking account, why not? Have y’all talked about that? Is there a deeper reason that hasn’t been discussed? Should do that before the “I Do”.
Bad stuff will happen in life. One couple mentioned their 8-year old who died of cancer. We had a married couple married ~50/60 years obviously still in love and obviously the marriage everyone in the room wanted to have in 50 years.
But, they talked about what it was like as young, newlyweds, alone in a city across the country following a job, when they had a stillbirth and no family able to come immediately. The happiest couple went through serious stuff.
When marriage preparation only focuses on the theory or, worst, only really focuses on the wedding day or the “good things”, we do a massive disservice to everyone getting married.
Married is hard. It is joyful and amazing, but it is hard. Have to start with a real foundation.