Puella mea mē nōn amat. Valē, puella! Catullus obdūrat: poēta puellam nōn amat, fōrmam puellae nōn laudat, puellae rosās nōn dat, et puellam nōn bāsiat! Īra mea est magna! Obdūrō, mea puella- sed sine tē nōn valeō.
My girl does not love me. Goodbye girl. Catullus is tough: the poet does not love the girl, does not praise the girl’s beauty, does not give roses to the girl, and does not kiss the girl! My anger is great! I am tough, my girl- but without you, I am not well.
I can just picture a song with similar lyrics playing on KISS FM right now.